TMI

A clinician has been describing how a diabetic cat's skin lesions have been treated with topical honey -

Clinician: "It's no wonder his glucose is high. He's been poked and prodded and going to bed covered with honey, it's stressing him out. Wouldn't you be stressed?"

Resident: "I don't know; if you're not going to bed alone, it can be very interesting..."

My Comfort Comes First

On the road in a minibus packed full with 8 students, 2 CTSs and a clinician driving, the clinician winds down his window -

Resident: "It's cold! Why did you open the window?"
Clinician: "They're all steamed up - I need to see."
Resident: "Tch! [to students] Everybody, stop breathing!"

Well, that explains everything.

Farm animal vet:

"I knew a guy once who caught ringworm from eating creep feed. [dismissively] But he's from Yorkshire."

A Mammoth First Term Round-Up

How to do a SOAP check, according to Pete:

"Subjective: I think it's dead.
Objective: Yeah, it's dead.
Assessment: Dead.
Plan: Move to the PM room."

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Libby's summary of extramedullary haematopoesis in the spleen:

"So the spleen's just sitting there until the animal loses a load of blood, and then it goes 'Quick! Do something! IT'S MY TIME!' "

Spleens suffer from an inferior organ complex. Don't worry spleen, we still love you.

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During a self-led Equine quiz session:

Questioner: "How many pre-ejaculatory thrusts does a stallion make?"
Male student 1: "6?"
Male student 2: "3 to 4."
Questioner: "3 to 4 is right."
Male student 2: "I didn't know. I was just drawing from personal experience."

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During a repro mock-viva session with Nicky:

Nicky: "So, what would you do first in this case?"
Male student: "Vaginal exam?" [this is not the first time he's made that suggestion this session]
Nicky: "No foreplay for you then, you just get right in there..."

and later, when a vaginal exam was the appropriate choice:

Nicky: "And what would you do next?"
Same student: [proudly] "VAGINA."

The student later returned to the EDU to find his mug now had VAGINA!!! written on the name label.

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SA Clinician:
"Anyone with a particular interest in dermatology? [no hands raised] Ah, that's fine. Confessing to having an interest in dermatology at your age is a bit like having an interest in pensions."

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SA Clinician, re: a previous patient:
"The dog's 'grandmother' was a writer and a poet. That makes me indirectly famous as well."

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SA Clinician explaining how to find a vein:
"It's squodgy. Can you feel a squodginess?"

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Clinician: "Anyone got any day cases [to present]?"
Student: "You mean like... cases that were in for just a day?"
Clinician: [stares]

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Anaesthetist: "Fat dogs ventilate like shit."

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Student: "I think we only have four hips and six elbows..."
- regarding radiographs on display

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Clinician: "Can you think of any possible sequels to a haematoma?"<
Resident: "Like Haematoma 2?"