Everyone needs good neighbours

A certain clinician happens to live next door to several members of our group. This has lead to some rather interesting exchanges.
(Disclaimer - loosely phrased because my memory isn't that great)

Greg: "We're having a Christmas party again this year. You know, the ones that go on Do you want to come?"
Clinician: "Have you got a date?"
Greg: (looks slightly flattered and possibly slightly flustered which is unusal) "Well no, I, er you?"
Rest of the room: "No Greg, the day. Which day?"
Clinician: "Sorry Greg, you are very handsome and have very nice arms but not handsome enough to tempt me to the dark side."


James had been having difficulty finding a paper on drugs used in the treatment of endotoxaemia. A paper was effortlessly found by the clinician in question.
Clinician: (sarcastically) "Would you like me to read it to you?"
Fellow student: "You could come round tonight and read it as a bedtime story!"
James: "You could read it over breakfast!"

(Everyone laughed at the prospect of it being a sleepover. The fellow student's name is omitted for posterity and also because I can't remember exactly who said it. Input appreciated)

#Pop goes the caecum#

Following a discussion of how to monitor an inpatient for colic...

Student: "And... if he doesn't colic?"
Clinician: "We keep feeding him up."
Student: "Until he pops."
Clinician: "Well, hopefully we'd pick up on that..."

Defiled

Andrew: "I fixed your notes for you."
James: "Did you touch my notes? DID YOU TOUCH MY NOTES?!"
Andrew: "Well I ran out of ink so it's mostly a mixture of blood and saliva."

Later...

Andrew: "... and there's some lemon juice on them too. "

Well, there goes that patent

Following the discussion of an equine inpatient who had to have walks outside to graze, and whom buckets of grass were being picked for...

James: There should be a way to store grass.
Megan: It's called hay.

Does She?

Megan - "Sophie always likes to spit on it to lubricate it. She makes a show of it."

Megan there explaining how Soph takes a horse's temperature.

Aging by texture

Greg: "Dogs don't start getting crunchy until they're at least halfway."

Do what now?

While dividing up cases -

Megan: "Mary wants to do the hermaphrodite. [pause] Um. Not literally."

What fine eyes you have...

My eyes are a light, icy blue.

Greg: "I've only ever met one other person with the same colour eyes as you. I say person...It was a Husky."

Further neuro banter

Background: a strikingly-patterned cat has been more-or-less abandoned with us, with the owners seemingly avoiding contact. This was during a discussion of how to re-open lines of communication.

Neuro 1: "We should get some fake tiger fur from the market. Start sending them scraps in the mail."
Neuro 2: "Maybe stick a bit of strawberry jam on the back first..."

Neurologist banter

Loosely transcribed from what I can remember. The Neurologists shall remain anonymous.

Discussing the treatment of a difficult case:
Neurologist one: I was thinking of using Carbamazepine to treat this dog...
Neurologist two: You could, but it has no effect and it went out of fashion about 20 years ago.
Neurologist one: Some of us aren't old enough to remember that.
Neurologist two: Some of us are old enough to have have read the literature.

Later....
Neurologist one: I just wanted to ask your opinion. Now I've heard it and I choose to ignore it.

The next day, discussing a dog harness that Neurologist 2 was lending to Neurologist 3 for his dog.
Neurologist 2 (to the head nurse): By the way, this is my harness. My own personal harness.
Head nurse: I don't really want to know what you use it for....