That's a bit harsh on the cat...

As we have rounds in the cat ward, a particularly noisy Siamese cat seeks our attention -

Ben: "Do you know, she sounds and looks exactly like Barbara Streisand..."

Yay for entertaining company reps

Collected quotes from the speaker during his series of short talks this afternoon.

---

Self-satisfied tone, at the end of an MS-Paint animation showing how IgE should work to kill blood parasites -
"And our hero the mast cell ATTACKS, and the parasite is dead. Serves you right, you bad parasite."

---

"You could do [superfluous test], but that's just diagnostic masturbation."

---

Looking at a results panel to interpret acid-base balance -
"That's a pathetic attempt at respiratory alkalosis and that dog should be ashamed."

---

Speaker: "So this is a female Great Dane called Thelma. Fantastic name."
[students smile, but are visually bemused]
Speaker: "Come on! Haven't any of you ever seen Scooby Doo?"
Me: "... No, that's Velma. With a V."
Speaker: [crestfallen] "Really? I've been using this slide and giggling to myself about that for a couple of years now..."

---

Speaker: "Acid-base tends to be taught very poorly in vet schools -"
Student: "Ben teaches it!"
Speaker: "And how are your lectures?"
Ben: "... Pretty dry."

The resident comedian

Resident Ben and resident Alan butt heads over their respective lifestyle choices. Jokingly. After several drinks.

Alan: At least I can have normal children.
Ben: I'll have normal children before you do.
Audience: Ohhh! Burn! etc.
Ben: Except, it'll be some random woman I don't know - oh wait!
Audience + Ben: Ohhh!
Ben: Well, I'll probably have to pay her - oh wait!
Audience + Ben: Ohhh!

at which point we were asked to leave the pub. Totally unrelated.

One more from Farm

During discussion of a freemartin heifer that has, understandably, failed to conceive -

Student: "We could check if the AI was done properly."
[Male] Resident: "Well, I think you should know that I inseminated her myself."

[pregnant pause, students keep a straight face]
...
[moment appears to have passed]
...
[resident and clinician make eye contact]

Clinician: "pfffheeeee hee heeeeee..."

TMI

A clinician has been describing how a diabetic cat's skin lesions have been treated with topical honey -

Clinician: "It's no wonder his glucose is high. He's been poked and prodded and going to bed covered with honey, it's stressing him out. Wouldn't you be stressed?"

Resident: "I don't know; if you're not going to bed alone, it can be very interesting..."