Warning: Students may spontaneously combust

Greg: "I spend a lot of time with kerosine in my mouth."
IM: "Isn't kerosine flammable?"
Greg: "That's kinda the point."


This followed a discussion of what could be suitable for uterine lavage in cows. Although it was generally agreed by the overwhelming number of women in the room that kerosine would be pretty awful to have lavaged into a uterus, Greg disagreed on account of his firebreathing experience.

Cow juice

The maximum allowed amount of cells allowed in milk in this country is 400,000 cells per ml... So, after discussing how many neutrophils would be in a cup of tea:

Greg: "That's why I don't drink milk!"
Karmen: "You eat stuff off the floor, and out of the bin. Shut up."

There are a few ways this simile could end...

Rachel: "People are like cards - one on its own won't stand up, but two will until some arse comes and shakes the table."

Innuendo Friday, Equine Style

These two beautiful gems were uttered during a (rather informal) practice viva session.

Clinician: "You know the youngsters, the teenagers. They get a spotty nose, spotty willy, spotty everything. Spotty teenager syndrome I call it."

Clinician: "It's got some anal pumping going on there for good measure."
Andrew: "It's not as good a phrase as anal winking..."

The Legendary Traffic Cone e-mail

This email deserved to be immortalised on this quote book forever more.


Dear All, If anyone has lost a small green case containing artery forceps, scissors, pen torch and a crumpled up cigarette (naughty!) - it was found on Friday behind the Livestock trailer by the canteen. Please mail me and I will get it back to you. ALSO... I have to report the loss of two traffic cones that are used to keep the space for the livestock trailer free while it is away. These were personalised cones, serving the Department diligently, without reward. They are like old friends to me. On the afternoon of Friday 3rd October, someone wilfully removed these cones during my absence and replaced them with a single cone of inferior quality. Please return my cones. If the cone thief wishes to preserve their anonimity, he/she may replace the cones through the side door of the trailer under cover of darkness. May your conscience be your guide...

Backchat

Elena: "I was going to say, 'You cannot call me gobby'... but then I realised that would make me look more gobby."