Re-reading those pig notes was worthwhile after all

G. Pearce: "I never go anywhere without my melon baller."

I found this gem in the pig dermatology notes. I only vaguely remember that this was about sampling pigs' ears for mange but it's funnier out of context.

The Legendary Traffic Cone e-mail

This email deserved to be immortalised on this quote book forever more.


Dear All, If anyone has lost a small green case containing artery forceps, scissors, pen torch and a crumpled up cigarette (naughty!) - it was found on Friday behind the Livestock trailer by the canteen. Please mail me and I will get it back to you. ALSO... I have to report the loss of two traffic cones that are used to keep the space for the livestock trailer free while it is away. These were personalised cones, serving the Department diligently, without reward. They are like old friends to me. On the afternoon of Friday 3rd October, someone wilfully removed these cones during my absence and replaced them with a single cone of inferior quality. Please return my cones. If the cone thief wishes to preserve their anonimity, he/she may replace the cones through the side door of the trailer under cover of darkness. May your conscience be your guide...

Defiled

Andrew: "I fixed your notes for you."
James: "Did you touch my notes? DID YOU TOUCH MY NOTES?!"
Andrew: "Well I ran out of ink so it's mostly a mixture of blood and saliva."

Later...

Andrew: "... and there's some lemon juice on them too. "