Ancient lecture notes = hidden treasures!

Said by an infamous, somewhat sarcastic lecturer of his clinical career:

"80% of my patients survived despite my best efforts to bugger them up. Once I discovered steroids and broad-spectrum antibiotics there was no holding me back..."

And a comment in the margin:

"Ah, the married man: defined by his continuous knowledge of just how wrong he is."

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Student chat during a very long, overly dry lecture on guns and ammunition in a veterinary context:

1: "I can't believe we have to sit here for another hour and a half."
2: "At least we know what ammo we shouldn't use when we shoot ourselves in 30 minutes' time."
Lecturer: "... and this one is very useful for kneecapping and stuff like that. Very good."
2: "Is it just me or have his psychotic tendencies suddenly surfaced?"
1: " 'GUNS!!' "

Re-reading those pig notes was worthwhile after all

G. Pearce: "I never go anywhere without my melon baller."

I found this gem in the pig dermatology notes. I only vaguely remember that this was about sampling pigs' ears for mange but it's funnier out of context.

Toxicology...

"the reason that is says "Do Not Eat" is that it is a Non-Food"

Ah, the warm glow of wisdom...

Woman. Lecturer. Legend.

A selection of quotes from an infamous female lecturer...

Telling us to keep nails trimmed for rectalling -
"You can have a gin hand and a rectal hand, but one arm needs to be short and shitty."

Describing the size of a mare's cervix -
"You've all seen the size of the end of a stallion's penis - you could stick your whole head in there!"

"Some people prefer to use chains, but I have ropes in my office."

"Now we all know penises are wonderful, but let's face it, they're dirty things."

"Ooh, I'm a very cheap date now."

"Like putting a hand down your shirt, or somebody else's... don't do it now. Later. No, not down my shirt."

"I'm very grateful he had blue balls."

"I am not going to mention any other end- ... ender- ... hormone things."

And finally, the oft-heard refrain (paraphrased):
"When I do my own revue I'll be taking the piss out of you lot and the stupid things students say."

Lecturers again

Re. A. pleuropneumoniae infection:
"Don't have time to eat. Don't have time to drink. Too busy dying."

and just randomly:
"Now remember, there's enough histamine in your bodies to kill you. Do NOT release all your histamine in one go. You'll be dead."

Our lecturers have odd ideas of "fun"

Lecturer #1:

"Hmm, we might think of getting some dead dog heads and having a fun afternoon... have a good laugh and do it all together."
Re: removing eyeballs.

Lecturer #2:

"Have you seen this? Let's watch it anyway; bit of light relief."
Re: video of pigs mating.

New term, new lecturer quotes.

Lecturer:

"Leptospirosis is a disease of lamp-posts."