The resident comedian

Resident Ben and resident Alan butt heads over their respective lifestyle choices. Jokingly. After several drinks.

Alan: At least I can have normal children.
Ben: I'll have normal children before you do.
Audience: Ohhh! Burn! etc.
Ben: Except, it'll be some random woman I don't know - oh wait!
Audience + Ben: Ohhh!
Ben: Well, I'll probably have to pay her - oh wait!
Audience + Ben: Ohhh!

at which point we were asked to leave the pub. Totally unrelated.

Warning: Students may spontaneously combust

Greg: "I spend a lot of time with kerosine in my mouth."
IM: "Isn't kerosine flammable?"
Greg: "That's kinda the point."


This followed a discussion of what could be suitable for uterine lavage in cows. Although it was generally agreed by the overwhelming number of women in the room that kerosine would be pretty awful to have lavaged into a uterus, Greg disagreed on account of his firebreathing experience.

Cow juice

The maximum allowed amount of cells allowed in milk in this country is 400,000 cells per ml... So, after discussing how many neutrophils would be in a cup of tea:

Greg: "That's why I don't drink milk!"
Karmen: "You eat stuff off the floor, and out of the bin. Shut up."

Backchat

Elena: "I was going to say, 'You cannot call me gobby'... but then I realised that would make me look more gobby."

Name withheld, for reasons of personal safety...

Commenting on the difference between one new, amiable equine clinician and her less-agreeable senior:

"At what point do you go from being human to being an equine vet?"

Vet Chat

Please note most of the following are as accurately phrased as memory would allow...

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Simon: I was at a camp once where they made this guy wax his own pubic hair... when he pulled it off he went [mimes grabbing at the area in pain] but then his hand got stuck and he had to rip that off too.

Phil: What kind of camp do you go to, Simon?!

Simon: Oh, I didn't go to it - I was in charge.

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Chris and JP have been openly plotting for about 5 minutes, then:

Chris (to Simon): We're going to send a hundred pizzas to your hotel room.

JP: We could send a hundred pizzas and a prostitute.

Chris: Why not just send a hundred prostitutes?

Simon: If you're doing that can you send at least one pizza?

JP: They'll all be male prostitutes.

Simon: Well, I'll be able to have a night off.

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Chris (re: his [ginger] beard): I was thinking of dying it blue. A nice deep aquamarine.

Simon: For camouflage among the dolphins?

Sophie: ...Dolphins have ginger beards?

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JP (re: his beard, to Sophie): You're just jealous because you can't grow one.

Sophie (immediately): Yes I can! ... Um.