Hard to swallow

Equine clinician: "Have you had anything hard that's too big to swallow in your mouth? It's quite uncomfortable. If you don't have warm water, you can just nibble on the end"

Advice on pre-warming plastic nasogastric stomach tubes before attempting to intubate a horse.

Innuendo Friday, Equine Style

These two beautiful gems were uttered during a (rather informal) practice viva session.

Clinician: "You know the youngsters, the teenagers. They get a spotty nose, spotty willy, spotty everything. Spotty teenager syndrome I call it."

Clinician: "It's got some anal pumping going on there for good measure."
Andrew: "It's not as good a phrase as anal winking..."

#Pop goes the caecum#

Following a discussion of how to monitor an inpatient for colic...

Student: "And... if he doesn't colic?"
Clinician: "We keep feeding him up."
Student: "Until he pops."
Clinician: "Well, hopefully we'd pick up on that..."

Well, there goes that patent

Following the discussion of an equine inpatient who had to have walks outside to graze, and whom buckets of grass were being picked for...

James: There should be a way to store grass.
Megan: It's called hay.

Name withheld, for reasons of personal safety...

Commenting on the difference between one new, amiable equine clinician and her less-agreeable senior:

"At what point do you go from being human to being an equine vet?"

Woman. Lecturer. Legend.

A selection of quotes from an infamous female lecturer...

Telling us to keep nails trimmed for rectalling -
"You can have a gin hand and a rectal hand, but one arm needs to be short and shitty."

Describing the size of a mare's cervix -
"You've all seen the size of the end of a stallion's penis - you could stick your whole head in there!"

"Some people prefer to use chains, but I have ropes in my office."

"Now we all know penises are wonderful, but let's face it, they're dirty things."

"Ooh, I'm a very cheap date now."

"Like putting a hand down your shirt, or somebody else's... don't do it now. Later. No, not down my shirt."

"I'm very grateful he had blue balls."

"I am not going to mention any other end- ... ender- ... hormone things."

And finally, the oft-heard refrain (paraphrased):
"When I do my own revue I'll be taking the piss out of you lot and the stupid things students say."