Yes, Really

Student: "I think [this cat] might be a bit wobbly from the buprenorphine."
Clinician: "Oh. Really?"

[cat falls over, coming to rest on its back with legs in the air]

Clinician: "... Maybe we'll reduce the dose."

#Pop goes the caecum#

Following a discussion of how to monitor an inpatient for colic...

Student: "And... if he doesn't colic?"
Clinician: "We keep feeding him up."
Student: "Until he pops."
Clinician: "Well, hopefully we'd pick up on that..."

Woman. Lecturer. Legend.

A selection of quotes from an infamous female lecturer...

Telling us to keep nails trimmed for rectalling -
"You can have a gin hand and a rectal hand, but one arm needs to be short and shitty."

Describing the size of a mare's cervix -
"You've all seen the size of the end of a stallion's penis - you could stick your whole head in there!"

"Some people prefer to use chains, but I have ropes in my office."

"Now we all know penises are wonderful, but let's face it, they're dirty things."

"Ooh, I'm a very cheap date now."

"Like putting a hand down your shirt, or somebody else's... don't do it now. Later. No, not down my shirt."

"I'm very grateful he had blue balls."

"I am not going to mention any other end- ... ender- ... hormone things."

And finally, the oft-heard refrain (paraphrased):
"When I do my own revue I'll be taking the piss out of you lot and the stupid things students say."

Why the clinical vets never forget him

Bainbridge: "Everything was better in my day - except the cannabis. That was crap."