Everyone needs good neighbours

A certain clinician happens to live next door to several members of our group. This has lead to some rather interesting exchanges.
(Disclaimer - loosely phrased because my memory isn't that great)

Greg: "We're having a Christmas party again this year. You know, the ones that go on Do you want to come?"
Clinician: "Have you got a date?"
Greg: (looks slightly flattered and possibly slightly flustered which is unusal) "Well no, I, er you?"
Rest of the room: "No Greg, the day. Which day?"
Clinician: "Sorry Greg, you are very handsome and have very nice arms but not handsome enough to tempt me to the dark side."


James had been having difficulty finding a paper on drugs used in the treatment of endotoxaemia. A paper was effortlessly found by the clinician in question.
Clinician: (sarcastically) "Would you like me to read it to you?"
Fellow student: "You could come round tonight and read it as a bedtime story!"
James: "You could read it over breakfast!"

(Everyone laughed at the prospect of it being a sleepover. The fellow student's name is omitted for posterity and also because I can't remember exactly who said it. Input appreciated)

Do what now?

While dividing up cases -

Megan: "Mary wants to do the hermaphrodite. [pause] Um. Not literally."

Lecturer quotes #1 - Jilly

"If your parrot loves you, it'll try to feed you, and if you don't open your mouth, it'll put it in your ear."

"Your parrot's a wanker, I'm sorry."

Woman. Lecturer. Legend.

A selection of quotes from an infamous female lecturer...

Telling us to keep nails trimmed for rectalling -
"You can have a gin hand and a rectal hand, but one arm needs to be short and shitty."

Describing the size of a mare's cervix -
"You've all seen the size of the end of a stallion's penis - you could stick your whole head in there!"

"Some people prefer to use chains, but I have ropes in my office."

"Now we all know penises are wonderful, but let's face it, they're dirty things."

"Ooh, I'm a very cheap date now."

"Like putting a hand down your shirt, or somebody else's... don't do it now. Later. No, not down my shirt."

"I'm very grateful he had blue balls."

"I am not going to mention any other end- ... ender- ... hormone things."

And finally, the oft-heard refrain (paraphrased):
"When I do my own revue I'll be taking the piss out of you lot and the stupid things students say."