The Joys of Vets

Libby: "I've got my big stick here - just need to shove it in there and do a lot of downloading."
Me: [failing to keep straight face]
Libby: "You should know, I say that to all the girls."

later

Me: "You'd think our sense of humour would have matured by now."
Libby: "Nope. 'Heehee, willies!' "

Hard to swallow

Equine clinician: "Have you had anything hard that's too big to swallow in your mouth? It's quite uncomfortable. If you don't have warm water, you can just nibble on the end"

Advice on pre-warming plastic nasogastric stomach tubes before attempting to intubate a horse.

Does She?

Megan - "Sophie always likes to spit on it to lubricate it. She makes a show of it."

Megan there explaining how Soph takes a horse's temperature.

Woman. Lecturer. Legend.

A selection of quotes from an infamous female lecturer...

Telling us to keep nails trimmed for rectalling -
"You can have a gin hand and a rectal hand, but one arm needs to be short and shitty."

Describing the size of a mare's cervix -
"You've all seen the size of the end of a stallion's penis - you could stick your whole head in there!"

"Some people prefer to use chains, but I have ropes in my office."

"Now we all know penises are wonderful, but let's face it, they're dirty things."

"Ooh, I'm a very cheap date now."

"Like putting a hand down your shirt, or somebody else's... don't do it now. Later. No, not down my shirt."

"I'm very grateful he had blue balls."

"I am not going to mention any other end- ... ender- ... hormone things."

And finally, the oft-heard refrain (paraphrased):
"When I do my own revue I'll be taking the piss out of you lot and the stupid things students say."