Well, there goes that patent

Following the discussion of an equine inpatient who had to have walks outside to graze, and whom buckets of grass were being picked for...

James: There should be a way to store grass.
Megan: It's called hay.

That's one way to get the food in.

After consulting a bird expert re: an injured buzzard...

Receptionist:
"We need to feed it by putting a tube in through its... coccyx... or oesophagus... or something."

I can assure you, that is a completely different procedure

"Yes, [dog name] is here to be spaded."

Woman. Lecturer. Legend.

A selection of quotes from an infamous female lecturer...

Telling us to keep nails trimmed for rectalling -
"You can have a gin hand and a rectal hand, but one arm needs to be short and shitty."

Describing the size of a mare's cervix -
"You've all seen the size of the end of a stallion's penis - you could stick your whole head in there!"

"Some people prefer to use chains, but I have ropes in my office."

"Now we all know penises are wonderful, but let's face it, they're dirty things."

"Ooh, I'm a very cheap date now."

"Like putting a hand down your shirt, or somebody else's... don't do it now. Later. No, not down my shirt."

"I'm very grateful he had blue balls."

"I am not going to mention any other end- ... ender- ... hormone things."

And finally, the oft-heard refrain (paraphrased):
"When I do my own revue I'll be taking the piss out of you lot and the stupid things students say."