Cornell - New Informatics...

"We don't have time to cover everything and I don't want to just give you specifics..." - Cornell Health and Safety service.

What does that leave?

Ancient lecture notes = hidden treasures!

Said by an infamous, somewhat sarcastic lecturer of his clinical career:

"80% of my patients survived despite my best efforts to bugger them up. Once I discovered steroids and broad-spectrum antibiotics there was no holding me back..."

And a comment in the margin:

"Ah, the married man: defined by his continuous knowledge of just how wrong he is."

----

Student chat during a very long, overly dry lecture on guns and ammunition in a veterinary context:

1: "I can't believe we have to sit here for another hour and a half."
2: "At least we know what ammo we shouldn't use when we shoot ourselves in 30 minutes' time."
Lecturer: "... and this one is very useful for kneecapping and stuff like that. Very good."
2: "Is it just me or have his psychotic tendencies suddenly surfaced?"
1: " 'GUNS!!' "

This is why I keep going to rounds

 Whilst discussing the treatment plan for an icteric dog...

Clinician one: "Is the dog ill?"
Clinician two: "Well, she's bright yellow..."
Clinician one: "Millions of people in the world are yellow and they're not necessarily ill."

Looks can be deceiving

From Andrew's description:

Clinician: "Don't look so worried."
Andrew: "...That's just my face."

Yeah, it does

During a discussion with non-vet friends about the "just why would you choose to do that?" aspects of our relative career paths - 

Me: "Well, in the future I'll be putting my hand in a glove and putting it...up...things."
[brief pause]
Richard: "You know, I was trying to see the innuendo in that, and then I realised that's what your job actually involves."

Well, death isn't a welfare issue...

During a public health revision session, a slide of a pig comes up on screen. It appears to be smiling.

Student: "Oh, it looks really happy!"
Ian McCrone: "Everyone always says that. But it's dead."

Guess what this was about?

Megan:

"[annoyed muttering] If it won't mount we'll have to give it a name..."

Nicholsonisms

"That dog's going to be smoking on its tube as it wakes up!"
Pro-tip reminding us to keep an ET tube in for as long as possible after performing surgery on a brachycephalic dog.

"Greg can be your vice."
Plates and screws practical - when applying dynamic compression to the fake bones, they couldn't be held still with a vice.

"My goodness, I was nearly inhaled!"
After I yawned...

Social Norms

Karmen: "I'd slap more peoples' asses if it was socially acceptable."

Re-reading those pig notes was worthwhile after all

G. Pearce: "I never go anywhere without my melon baller."

I found this gem in the pig dermatology notes. I only vaguely remember that this was about sampling pigs' ears for mange but it's funnier out of context.

Forget Microsoft...

"You look like Ronnie Corbett's younger brother!" - Karmen to a smartly (if a little hipsterly) dressed Andrew.

"I think not. This is "Punk Office"" - Andrew in riposte.

Hard to swallow

Equine clinician: "Have you had anything hard that's too big to swallow in your mouth? It's quite uncomfortable. If you don't have warm water, you can just nibble on the end"

Advice on pre-warming plastic nasogastric stomach tubes before attempting to intubate a horse.